let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
