I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
