Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
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it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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