Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
no you cant smoke seaweed
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
