why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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