Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
