i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
