Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize