im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
