Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
