I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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