can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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