I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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