So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
