well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
a search helicopter?!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
