omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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