Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
