Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
be right there i have to get my cape
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
