I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
