i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
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I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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