my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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