i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
