what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I skipped work to stalk him.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
