I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
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I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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