My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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