Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
