i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
