That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
