he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
