i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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