Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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