Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
