He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
accomplished twins. life is a go
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
