He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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