I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
