Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
