so let's talk penis.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
