he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
