was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
They have beer where we have blood.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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