I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
PANTIES FOUND
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