ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
