the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
