so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
