I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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