Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
