That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You ate ashes out of my bong
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
