my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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