You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize