someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
