College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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