why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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