Where did you get a picture of my penis
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
