Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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