a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
