Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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