he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
