considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
