I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
