Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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