I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
