She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
